Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
