you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize