She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
