I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
