You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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