He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
