I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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