You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
