I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
