There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize