i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Pooping to opera.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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