I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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