also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
