she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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