i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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