It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
