I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
