so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize