Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
