i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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