I can text with my tongue
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize