I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
