i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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