Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
