Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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