he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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