I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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