i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
