Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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