somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
