Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
