if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
