Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
