oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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