I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
