why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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