i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
