There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
