I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
