You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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