She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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