i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
