so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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