You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize