normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
