i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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