Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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