I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
