I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
