someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
