Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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