Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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