Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
