My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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