I can tuck mytits in my pants
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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