my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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