I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize