I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i need some magic done to my vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
