I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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