I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
