you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize