i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
