i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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