i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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