she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's shark week go big or go home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
