Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
