I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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