i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
