I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
