Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
