apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
