a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
