On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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