I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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