at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
