I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
