I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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