just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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