My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
