my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we're making bets on your personal life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
