Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can I color on your dick again?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize