so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
