I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
