how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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