apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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