so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
