Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
