Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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