i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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