Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Who died my cat blue again?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
