i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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