It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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