Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
