guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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