Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
