A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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