dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bring me that man meat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize